a summer after..

Looking back, and after the thing is long gone and dusted, having a broken leg was not that bad and I read whinning between the lines of previous posts. I remember feeling helpless though. Good that is gone.
A summer is inbetween now and then. A summer of trips (Corsica :), mountains, sea, film festival, going out for beers, love and business.
I'm still on stand-by, waiting for the real thing to come. I start beeing afraid that while I live this life (buying house, credit for car, advancing in career, traveling) that I do not consider to be the real one and while I wait for the something to come in the spotlight and change everything, ... maybe I will discover one day that this was my real life and there is nothing beyond it. And dreams of going around the world, living great adventures into the wide open and meeting new people and cultures where I feel fit.. maybe all this are just great dreams.
I do not feel fit, I am in the wrong place ... but I can not take the great leap. Sell everything and start fresh at the antipodes. The fear is that I might not be fit with myself, not the place. If this happens, I might not escape myself even if I go to the end of the world.
I heard a line in a cheap movie - but a line so true as you can find only in cheap movies: "eventualy, everybody is alone in this universe. ultimately, everybody is by him/herself." Dreadfull thought...

And yet I still dream of a day when I would go on a boat and sail away.. and live a life that fits.