tales of a broken leg - todays' sad gifts

today I'm sad... and I feel I can come out of this, but somehow I do not want.
beeing in the store and buying cat food, taxi waiting outside. I was feeling just sad. Then I come out, I try to cross the street, back-pack on one shoulder, crouches in my hands, the plastic bag with cat food balancing around one crouch. I try to cross the street - get to my taxi (aware of the stairing around, the man outside the store, the taxi driver, the people passing). COld and rainy and cloudy and why do I have abroken leg, why can I not just cross the street.. The plastic bag breaks in the street after I start crossing, box and can roll to the sideway I just left from. As I balance myself with crouches in my hands, trying to colect the things from the street, a bus comes. It stops near me, waiting for me to finish the ridiculous show. I get the stuff and hop back to the sideway. As I wait the bus to pass, holding the cat food with one hand and both crouches with the other one, my backpack starts sliding from the shoulder. Another series of balance recalibrations starts, as I jogle with 2 cat food boxes, 2 crouches, one backpack and one foot in the air. Then I start again the street crossing adventure. As I hop in one leg in balance, I suddenly become aware of all the eyes on me and of the fact that from all the spectators, none even showed a sign of intending to help. I get to the taxi, go home and feel so vulnarable, so sad, so lonely, so worthless ...
And yet I know I could have called a friend for help and I would have got help. I can chose to not be sad and become not-sad ... so why do I cling to my sadness and my independance?